A common method to provide that type of feedback, as usually taught in communication classes, workshops, and supervisor training, is what some call the Feel-Good sandwich. The way that method works is simple: we say something good, then we provide the corrective feedback we wanted to give in the first place, and then we wrap it up with something good. As easy as it may sound, if the sandwich is not prepared properly, our intentions (i.e., to say something negative) may be completely transparent to our interlocutor, and we may come across as just plain fake. Nice, but fake, i.e., Fake-Nice.
The Fake-Nice feedback may creep up on us, and we may deliver it without even noticing. In order to understand this concept better, let us consider the two pieces of feedback below:
A- "That interface you designed for the project is great. By the way, when we presented it to the client, you should have worn a tie. Still, we were all proud of the good job you did for our team."
B- "That tie you are wearing is really nice. However, ties should not be worn in the workshop. It looks really nice on you, though."
At first glance the two items seem to have the Positive-Negative-Positive structure we want. An experienced communicator, however, would quickly notice that Example A is a true Feel-Good sandwich, while Example B is a Fake-Nice statement. In other words, the speaker using Example A would come across as someone who cares about the receiver of the feedback, while the speaker using Example B could be perceived as fake.
Why would an experienced communicator perceive those statements differently? There are 3 main reasons for that:
1- In Example A the negative part (i.e., "you should have worn a tie") is unrelated to the initial positive part (i.e., "the interface...is great"). This means that, even though there was negative comment, that person also received a genuine, real compliment about job performance that, at the end of the day, still holds value. In Example B, however, the negative part (i.e., "ties should not be worn in the workshop") overrides the initial positive part (i.e., "that tie...is really nice). As such, there is no positive comment to hold on to, and the feedback is now perceived in a more negative light. On top of that, the initial compliment may now be seen as what it was: a distractive maneuver to deliver the blow.
2- In Example A the speaker uses a casual transition (i.e., "By the way..."), which does not detract from the previous sentence. In Example B, on the other hand, a transition that implies a contradiction (i.e., "However") is used. Other connectors, such as "but", "still", etc., carry the same effect: what is said next overrides the importance of what was said before. In that example, then, the fact that the tie is nice does not hold any value (except that of being a fake statement). The real message is that ties are not to be worn in the workshop, regardless of how nice they are.
3- In Example A, the compliment was job-related: the interface designed for the project was great. That is something that team member can still quote as an achievement. In Example B, on the other hand, the compliment was not job-related: wearing a nice tie (and in a place where ties should not be worn, of all places) will not get that team member any extra credit with the boss.
The three maxims of an effective Feel-Good sandwich, then, can be summarized in the following way:
Maxim 1: make a compliment that is not related to the negative comment. If your negative statement overrides the compliment, there will be no "good" in "Feel-Good". Additionally, the receiver may feel the compliment was not really heartfelt.
Maxim 2: use connectors that are as neutral as possible. Avoid connectors such as "however", "but", "still", "yet", and similar ones that introduce a contradiction. If the positive comment is overridden, the recipient may wonder if the comment was sincere at all.
Maxim 3: find a real compliment to make, one that is job-related. If you compliment on trivial things, it will be clear your intention to compliment was not sincere.
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Do you want to try and apply these maxims? Complete the activity below.
Exercise:
Think of at least one example of a Fake-Nice statement that you have received, given, or heard about, and modify it to make it a real, heartfelt Feel-Good sandwich. If you like, share both versions in the comments section.
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Source: These materials are Copyright © 2010 Roberto Perez Galluccio - Used with permission from the author
When the positive comments are patently fake, what you have is a BS sandwich.
ReplyDeleteBS= Baloney Salad :-)
ReplyDelete