Beyond the Elevator Pitch (comic relief)

The concept of the elevator pitch combines an elevator situation, i.e., a scenario where someone has only a few seconds to go from one floor to another, with a sales pitch, i.e., the argument, formula, or presentation used to offer a product. The elevator pitch, then, is that 30- to 60-second presentation we make of ourselves, normally in the context of business meetings, networking, or employment interviews.

A lot has been written on how to prepare a good elevator pitch. The original elevator pitch assumes an office environment, and that is why an elevator is usually used as the most common "chance meeting" place. But for comic relief's sake, let us consider the multiple scenarios where the pitch may take place. For instance, how about the construction industry? What if we are working on a scaffold on the 30th floor and the chief engineer just hops on to check out the structure? What if we moonlight as a limousine driver and we are on the highway giving the big boss a ride to the airport? What if we are a Customer Satisfaction Specialist at a McDonald's counter and one of the hot shots in the company next door stops by for a Big 'n Tasty? What kind of considerations may affect the way we deliver the pitch (in a positive or negative way) as influenced by the circumstances?

Here is a (tongue-in-cheek) list:

1- The Barbershop Pitch:
         It gets undivided attention if you are the barber (after all, you are holding a razor to their necks).

2- The Staircase Pitch:
         It includes lots of gasping and panting.

3- The Parking Lot Pitch:
         It goes around in circles, looking for a spot for that punch line.

4- The Scaffold Pitch:
         Each sentence could be the last one (you are suspended high in the air, watch out).
         Note: don't look down.

5- The Men's Room Pitch:
         . . . . . . . . . . . .
         Note: really, if you do it, don't look down.

6- The Men's Room Pitch Version 2:
         . . . . . . . . . . . .
         Note: just don't do it, wait until the other person is done.

7- The Highway Pitch:
         "Am I hired yet? Am I hired yet? Am I hired yet?"

8- The Highway Pitch During Rush Hour:
         It includes lots of starts and stops.

9- The Highway Pitch During Rush Hour with Road Rage:
         It is interspersed with epithets directed towards other drivers.

10- The Highway Pitch During Rush Hour with Road Rage Where Guns Are Involved:
         It includes frequent opportunities for ducking to avoid bullets from irate drivers.

11- The Bus Stop Pitch:
         It is delivered with infinite patience and resignation.

12- The Informal Lunch Pitch:
         It excludes words that start with P (sPitting out your food is gross!).

13- The Water Cooler Pitch:
         It is measured in sips, not seconds.

14- The Coffee Machine Pitch:
         It is delivered with two creams, one sugar.

15- The McDonald's Pitch:
         It is always delivered with fries.

16- The Taco Bell Pitch:
         It can be delivered in a soft or a crunchy shell.

17- The KFC Pitch:
         It is divided into pieces and delivered in a family-size bucket.

18- The Tim Horton's Pitch:
         Every other sentence in the pitch ends with "Eh?".

19- The New York City Pitch:
         "Forget about it."

20- The Traditional, Good Old "30-second" Elevator Pitch:
         It opens with a hook, followed by a summary of soft skills, highlight of achievements, short list of hard skills, and a memorable ending.


If you think of any other situations where a pitch may be delivered in a specific way, share those thoughts with the rest of us in the Comments section.

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